Click HERE to view Rev. Stacy’s guided meditation during the service.
So, tonight we kick off our four-week series based on don Miguel Ruiz’s book, “The Four Agreements.” The book was published in 1997. It really gained … took off in popularity in 2001 once it was endorsed by Oprah. So, once she endorsed it, it was off and running. It was on the New York Times bestsellers list for over a decade. There’s been 15 million copies sold. Here’s one of 15 million copies. Who else has a copy? Oh! The whole room almost! This is fantastic! Well, we’ll do a review session together, everyone.
“The Four Agreements were inspired by — if you’ve read the book before, but for everyone … “The Four Agreements were actually inspired by Toltec spiritual beliefs. And he says that the intent of the book is to help us explore freedom, happiness and love. And he writes, “The four agreements help us return power back to ourselves and, therefore, to personal belief systems.”
And we really will work the four agreements through self-awareness. You start to become more aware. And then you apply them, right? With any practice, you start to become more aware. You apply them. And then that’s what results in our own personal peace and freedom.
So, “The Four Agreements” that we will be exploring and practicing together over the next four weeks:
Tonight: Be impeccable with your word;
And then we have: Don’t take anything personally;
Don’t make assumptions; and
Always do your best.
Now, there was a fifth agreement that was added in 2010. He wrote a book with his son, don Jose Ruiz, and it was “Be Skeptical, but Learn to Listen.” And that fifth agreement is really about spiritual discernment. It’s about listening to your inner voice, but remaining open to other perspectives or other ideas.
That one reminds me a lot of when we spoke at the beginning of the year — we did a Brené Brown series, “Braving the Wilderness.” And she had a whole chapter about being respectful and kind while keeping your heart and ears open to new ways of thinking and new perspectives. So, it’s very similar. So, the fifth agreement really will be getting woven – interwoven — within the other four agreements that we go through together.
So, I mentioned it’s based on Toltec spiritual philosophy. The Toltec people lived over 3,000 years ago in Mexico, right outside of Mexico City. And he tells the story of a man who lived over 3,000 years ago who realized, after he looked up at the stars, that we’re all light, and we’re all stars … and, therefore, we’re all one. And here’s what he writes. It’s on the screen for you:
He says, “This is what he discovered. Everything in existence is a manifestation of the one living being we call God. Everything is God.” And then he later writes, “The real us is pure love, pure light.”
We’re all manifestations of God, which is pure love and pure light. And the entire book’s philosophy stems from this idea that we are to return to — to remember– this truth about us. That we are pure love, pure light. That we are all manifestations of God, which is exactly that: love and light.
And what happens, he reminds us, is that as we’re growing up, we can get caught up in culture; society’s rules; our family rules. Our families teach us things. Wherever we were going to high school, or whatever community we were in at the time, our larger society — they teach us what to believe; what not to believe; what’s right; what’s wrong, what’s beautiful; what’s ugly; what’s a healthy food; what’s not. They teach us everything.
They also teach us when we’ll be punished; when we’ll be rewarded. And he says it’s … Really, we start to learn that, if we get rewarded, then we’ll be accepted. So ultimately, it’s about acceptance and being accepted versus being rejected from the group from which you’re in — whether that’s your family, your friend group, or your community.
And so, these rules and the judgments start to become our armor. And that armor — as you can see — starts to create this false sense of separation. And we start to believe then that we’re separate from one another versus we’re actually all one: pure light, pure love.
And he says that all of us are searching for beauty. All of us are searching for our own personal dream. And yet, we get caught up in what he calls “hell on earth” of this mindset generated by the emotions of anger, jealousy, envy, hate, fear. And we forget; we become asleep. We sleep, right? We become asleep to this Toltec principle — our unity principles — which says that everything is within us. That love and light is within us. That wisdom is within us. Because, again, we are manifestations of that one Power, one Presence: God – life itself.
There’s a quote in the book, and I find it to be very close to a quote from Myrtle Fillmore, one of our co-founders. But it’s from the book. So, he writes, “We keep searching and searching, when everything is already within us. There is no Truth to find. Wherever we turn our heads, all we see is the Truth. But with the agreements and beliefs that we’ve stored in our mind, we have no eyes. for this Truth. We’ve forgotten.”
We’ve forgotten that we’re pure love and pure light. We’ve forgotten that all of us are the light.
So, we come to these four agreements. The four agreements help us return to that spiritual truth of: everything we really need to know that’s already within us. The reminder that we’re all connected.
And he says, and I will agree — because I’ve tried in 1997 and I’ve tried just the last few days — that it’s challenging. These are challenging! They sound really easy: “Be impeccable with my word. I can do that!” But I will tell you: once you start to become aware, it is challenging!
So, I’m going to invite you to really tap into/pull up your real spiritual quality of will — we have 12 spiritual qualities — that spiritual quality of will or willpower. To be willing to apply the four agreements. To be willing to be more aware of where you are and aren’t applying those agreements so that you can then apply them and practice them.
And it starts really with our mind. The words that we say in our minds as well as out loud. Because when we say, “Be impeccable with our word,” a lot of times we think that just means what I say out loud. But it actually, my friends, also is our word thoughts. All those thoughts in your head are also words. What we write — especially on social media these days — those are also words. So, it doesn’t necessarily mean what is said out loud. So, we have to start with our own selves to be impeccable with our word.
Of course, from the Book of John, it says, “In the beginning was the Word.” Because the word, again — whether stated out loud or just in our heads or sung out loud — is how you express your creative power. Our words are our creative power. So, our intentions manifest through the words we think and we speak, along with the strong emotions that we then put behind them; that we attach to them.
So, our words have the power to uplift ourselves. I’m sure you’ve said something that’s helped you feel better about yourself. And also our words have the power to put us into a shame spiral; into a depression. I’m sure some of you have experienced that, as well. So, we have to start by building a really strong foundation within ourselves.
And so, we can get caught up in these thoughts. And you’ll really start catching yourself now. Like, “I’m not ever good at this” or, “I’m not capable of” or, “I’m not that smart.” “I’m not attractive.” Right? There’s all these things all day long, this little mind chatter that happens.
And it really comes back to last week’s lesson. So, for those of you who weren’t here, we talked about Jesus healing the sick man at the pool. And you can go back and watch it. They’re all on our website and YouTube. But it was really a story about what? Let me see who was here last week. You’re going to do this, right? The gate. Remember I said in my mind: I started seeing the gate. The sheep gate. Gatekeeping our thoughts. It comes back to gatekeeping our thoughts. What am I going to let in? What am I going to let just lay around? What am I going to pick up and clean off? What am I going to release?
My friend, Rev. Sherry James — I co-ministered with her at Unity of the Oaks in Thousand Oaks, California for a couple years during the pandemic. And she’s the senior minister of Up Church in Los Angeles. And she just recently wrote this that she said I could share with you. She wrote, “Our minds need to be dusted and swept just as much as our houses. We must be masters of our own minds, as well as our houses, and not allow them to be like a furniture warehouse with all the furniture mixed up together. We must direct where everything is to be placed so that complete order may reign therein.”
I mean, you can imagine if you went to buy a refrigerator, but you couldn’t find it because it was in the bedroom section, right?
So, we have to gatekeep our thoughts, because our thoughts are our words to ourselves and about other people. But you get to decide which thoughts are you going to pursue; which ones are you going to leave behind; which ones get to lay around in there and take up room; and which ones are you going to let work for you. It’s a choice.
So, let’s really look at this word, Impeccable. Impeccable comes from the Latin word “peccatus.” Peccatus means sin — another word we looked at last week, everybody. I loved how these two lessons overlapped.
So, you’ll recall the word sin actually means to miss the mark. To miss the mark or, metaphysically, to forget your divine Beingness. To forget your divine Beingness — to forget you are pure love and pure light.
So sin, he says in the book here, is really the self-rejection of your I AM: your divine I AM. And that “im” in impeccable means without. So, in this case, without sin. So, it means don’t forget your divine I AM. “Be impeccable with your word” means not to deny your sacredness as an eternal being. Don’t forget that you’re a creative expression: a manifestation of the divine, of God.
And the author also reminds us that, as we’re taking responsibility for our words and actions, be mindful … but also be mindful not to blame, judge, shame yourself when you slip. Because that is what? Not being impeccable with your word or your word thought.
Ultimately, being impeccable with your word means not to use it against yourself. When we’re using our words, it starts with us; within. Be mindful not to use it against yourself.
Here’s what he writes. It’s here on your screen: “Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy. It means to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself.”
You’re a creative being. How are you going to create? So, we create with our words. And it means: when we’re being impeccable, that we’re using our words as energy to direct truth and love for ourselves, and then we’re going to find for others.
So, what are some ways we can compassionately speak to ourselves? Well, I turned to a new site I found called The Therapy Group. We’re all in therapy together right now. It says, “A couple of suggestions for speaking more compassionately to yourself. You could say something like:
‘This is really hard and it makes sense that I’m struggling.’
‘I’m doing the best I can with what I have right now.’
‘I deserve the same kindness I would give someone I love.’
‘I don’t have to earn rest, comfort, or support.’”
And you could even say, “It’s okay that I’m not okay right now.”
Because you can feel that that guilt starts to fall away. The shame starts to fall away.
And I love this saying — and it’s been attributed to several people: that “Comparison is the thief of joy.” You’ve heard this, right? Comparison is the thief of joy. I remember it’s one of my most favorite phrases, because it really helps get me out of my own self-induced suffering.
So, I remember first hearing this. I had started back at yoga. I’ve kind of gone in and out of yoga my entire life. And this was probably 2018, 2019. And as you know, I had a pretty intense health challenge right before that. And so, I thought I’d gently get back into yoga again. And when I went back, what I noticed was, you know, I couldn’t maybe do everything that I used to do 10 or 15 years earlier (and with two small children in between there).
And so, I was really comparing myself to my old self. And then I was looking around, and I was like, “Wow, look at her. She can, like, twist herself.” And now I’m comparing myself to her, right? And I went in there for the joy of being in the flow; for the joy of celebrating my body being healthy and strong again. For an hour of peace to myself. And I destroyed that with my own thoughts — my own word thoughts — because comparison is the thief of joy.
Ultimately, what I have found is that when I am stressed … So, when we’re stressed, it means our nervous system is not regulated. So, when we’re stressed, and our nervous system is not regulated, I know for my own self that’s when I tend to be the most critical of myself. That’s when I tend to be the most critical of other people.
And yet, when I’m at peace, what I’ve discovered is that that’s when I notice I complain less; I get less irritated; I get less irritated, you know, easily. I have more self-acceptance. I have more acceptance for other people.
And so it’s a Catch-22, then, being impeccable with your word. Because as you’re impeccable with your word — as you’re honoring your divine I AM — well, you feel good. You feel happy. You feel at peace. When you’re happy and at peace, it’s easier to be impeccable with your word. When you’re impeccable with your word, you’re more at peace and happy. When you’re happy and at peace … Do you see how this is a circle, right? One leads into the other.
And our words, as we know, have the power to affect other people. So, we can lift someone up or we can really pull them down and destroy them with our words. So as don Miguel Ruiz points out … He says, “Our words are magic.” I love that. Our words are magic, but we can use it against ourselves, which makes us more likely to use it against others.
So, it’s important to be mindful of how we’re using our words. We’re creating with our words. So, don’t we want to create joy and kindness and peace? We get to create that. Again, because we’re all connected. We’re all one expression. We’re all one expression of that light and that love of the Divine.
So, my question for you is: How would you talk to God? Because you’re an expression of — you’re a manifestation of — God. So, how you talk to yourself is how you talk to God. Whatever belief or story or judgment you’re making about yourself, you’re making about God.
The people you love are expressions of God. What belief or stories or judgments have you been making about God? What seeds — what thoughts, beliefs — have you been planting in yourself or in others with your words?
See, if I extend loving kindness to myself, I can more easily extend loving kindness to you. And you, in turn, then can extend loving kindness back to me. If I express gratitude to you, you’re more likely to express gratitude to me. That also is a Catch-22, isn’t it?
The book reminds us we are to use our word to share our love. We are to use our word to share our love. And so, what if we even said, “You know what? I’m a wonderful human!” Then I’ll probably express that, won’t I? What if I said, “I love myself unconditionally!” Then I would probably express that. And then you would feel that, and you might even start expressing it, as well.
Here’s a powerful statement from the book. He says, “We talk to ourselves constantly, and most of the time we say things like, ‘Oh, I look fat; I look ugly; I’m getting old; I’m losing hair; I’m stupid; I never understand anything; I will never be good enough; I’m never going to be perfect.’”
He says, “We must begin to understand what the word is and what the word does.”
He writes, “If you understand the first agreement, ‘Be impeccable with your word,’ you begin to see all the changes that can happen in your life. Changes first in the way you deal with yourself, and later in the way you deal with other people, especially those you love.”
Because how we feel in our relationship with others is due to the fact of the energy we’re sharing with one another. What are we creating with one another? Because we can never not create. We’re always creating. And we’re creating with our words and our word thought and the energy behind it. What do I want to create in my relationships and with myself?
So, it’s really about being mindful of our thoughts. Becoming aware of them; stopping them in the tracks. Again, we kind of spoke about this last week, too. But saying something as soon as you hear yourself: “You know what? That’s not helpful. That’s not a helpful thought.” Or, “That’s not something I would say to a loved one.” Or, “That’s not something I want to send out into the world as a powerful creator.”
Or what Ruth King, activist and Buddhist teacher, says — just saying, “May I be a good friend to myself.” Part of our meditation tonight. Just whisper that right now: “May I be a good friend to myself.”
Author Mitchell Clark recently posted this. He wrote, “You will never hear another person’s voice more than you hear your own. Be intentional about the way you talk to yourself.”
And the way we talk to ourselves — when we speak unkindly about ourselves — we tend to then speak unkindly about others. So, again, it’s about slipping back into shifting to, “I’m not separate from; I am one with.”
And we kind of can pull in that fifth agreement here. And he reminds us way back in 1997, everyone, that opinion is not truth. Opinion is your point of view. And we can listen. We can learn a new perspective. We can learn a new idea. And then we discern. We listen to that inner voice. And I can be impeccable with my word. I don’t forget that I’m one with the other. That we’re all one with one another.
I’ll be honest: it’s challenging, everybody. It is challenging! And I will also say we are exposed to way more people now than we were in 1997 or 2001. Between all the social media, the 500 channels on our TV or devices, we are exposed to a lot of people.
And our ego may say, “What do I got to do to fit in to be accepted?” And fear jumps in and says, “Uh-oh, I’m separate from/I’m different from,” and we put up that armor. We start to maybe evaluate another person. And maybe we’ll see them and go, “Oh, they’re good.” And then we start to judge — again, judge ourselves against them. And here’s where our jealousy or envy comes in.
Or we may see or hear another person and think, “They’re bad.” Our judgment comes in. But in both cases, we’re not being impeccable with our word or our word thought. Not towards ourselves; not towards them. It takes us gently easing our way back to not sinning. Again, not sinning means to shift our thoughts back to GOD IS/I AM. Cleaning off the word. And returning to, “My Beingness is love. My Beingness is love. Let me return to that.”
And doing it without beating yourself up. “Oh, I’m just not spiritual enough. I just don’t get it.” No! Notice it and just shift it. Notice it and walk to the healing pool to get a new thought: one that remembers your spiritual nature and the spiritual nature of others.
And maybe within all of this, too, it’s identifying the fear. What’s the fear here? What’s the old belief that’s holding me back from embracing my wholeness? And so, I can take that fear and transform it into love and joy and connection.
But you are loving awareness. That’s who you are. That’s who the people around you are. That’s who the people who you disagree with are. They may not remember it, but they are. It’s up to us to remember for our own selves and for them. To keep bringing our thoughts back to: “The truth is, I am pure love, I am pure light.”
You’re a powerful creator. What will you create?
So I wanted to try this together tonight; something a little different. In the Buddhist tradition, they offer kindness to someone they find challenging. They do a heart-centered prayer. Metta prayer: M-E-T-T-A. And so, I want you to right now think of someone who challenges you. It could be someone personally in your life; someone in the outside world. But someone who you feel challenged by.
And then maybe even place your hand or hands on your heart. And I’ll say a statement and then you’ll repeat after me. And they’ll be here on the screen too. So you can really just focus on sending this out to that person you’re challenged by. So, from your heart space:
May you be safe from inner and outer harm.
May you be healthy and strong.
May you be happy and content.
May you live with ease and well-being.
May whatever blocks your heart be dissolved.
May you know joy and freedom.
May you have food, shelter and good care.
May you be free from animosity and hatred.
May you know peace.
May you be a good friend to yourself.
Just take a breath. And just notice how do you feel? How did you feel before that about that person? What has been the shift, and how are you feeling right now?
And now, most importantly, we’re going to extend this to ourselves. So, whether it’s holding yourself or, again, touching your heart:
May I be safe from inner and outer harm.
May I be healthy and strong.
May I be happy and content.
May I live with ease and well-being.
May whatever blocks my heart be dissolved.
May I know joy and freedom.
May I have food, shelter and good care.
May I be free from animosity and hatred.
May I know peace.
May I be a good friend to myself.
Just taking a breath and noticing. Offering care to ourselves and others. Seeing the world with patient eyes: patient eyes for yourself and others. Because, again, we belong to ourselves and we belong to each other. Whatever you say to yourself affects you, but also affects those around you. And then that’s the life that you’re creating and experiencing.
From the Tao Te Ching, it says, “Compassionate towards yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world.” Compassionate towards yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world.
So, again, I ask you, what do you want to create as a powerful creator? What do you want to create with your word? You can use your word to create joy, to create kindness, to create acceptance, to create beauty, to create compassion. And to remember that we’re all one. We’re all part of that one Power and one Presence of the universe. The real us is pure love and pure light. We express our pure love and pure light by being impeccable with our word.
And that’s our soul work for this week, my friends. Blessings on your path!